The Beautiful Mess of Your Life

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Today I turned another forty-something. I like cycles and milestones and I find that birthdays and new years are good times to measure your own progress or your satisfaction in life. Today, I wouldn’t call myself happy. I am simply in-between two lives. I know this is a flaw in my thinking, but divorce is a time of change, growth, and grief. I’m not sure that you’d want to stay there very long. I don’t.

But this experience isn’t about divorce. That process just amplifies the feeling of being in-between, and it is messy. It’s easy to stumble and spend a little too much time in the in one box or another. It’s easy to feel raw and vulnerable, but the hardest thing is dealing with your own judgement.

You have time

The only thing that will pass you by is not accepting that you are still a traveler who is passing through. No matter what your loss or obstacles are in life, you’ve got enough time. You are the only person who will ever be able to figure out what you need. You won’t find the final answer in a book and there are no rules or timelines. You don’t need to go through all of the stages. You don’t need to hit rock bottom. You don’t need to hate or forgive. You don’t need to be ok.

This life… the only one that you will ever have can be fucking messy. It goes by fast. Your childhood was gone in moments of now flickering memories. If you have kids, the time that they were babies – just minutes.

Maybe you lost your first love? It doesn’t matter because this is what we do. We love. That’s what makes us human. Without it, we would experience no loss and no joy.

If you are sad, let the depth of your pain remind you of your capacity to love and feel joy. If you are angry, let your rage remind you of your willingness to trust.

If you feel lost, just remember that there was once a way back to you.

There are no rules, except for this one.

You will know when you are ready and it’s ok for you to NOT to be ready today. But don’t let yourself believe that you won’t get there, eventually.

But you won’t know it happened until you’ve already let it go.

Peter is a Founding Partner and Sr. Marketing Strategist with Cherry. He earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree from the University of Texas at Arlington and an MBA from the University of Dallas, Graduate School of Management. He’s a father of two amazing daughters, a science-nerd, INFJ, adventurer, and overthinker.
  • http://Samesidessupportforstraightspouses.wordpress.com Emily Reese

    “But don’t let yourself believe that you won’t get there, eventually.”

    Key words there, Peter. I concur.

    Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others,
    Emily Reese

  • http://www.bravematters.com/ Peter Wyro

    @Emily Reese  There’s no reason to believe that it has to be so hard, right? And if it is? Don’t deny yourself the experience. We fight so hard to avoid any kind of pain. I think that it looks very different on the other side of it.