Today I turned another forty-something. I like cycles and milestones and I find that birthdays and new years are good times to measure your own progress or your satisfaction in life. Today, I wouldn’t call myself happy. I am simply in-between two lives. I know this is a flaw in my thinking, but divorce is a time of change, growth, and grief. I’m not sure that you’d want to stay there very long. I don’t.
But this experience isn’t about divorce. That process just amplifies the feeling of being in-between, and it is messy. It’s easy to stumble and spend a little too much time in the in one box or another. It’s easy to feel raw and vulnerable, but the hardest thing is dealing with your own judgement.
You have time
This life… the only one that you will ever have can be fucking messy. It goes by fast. Your childhood was gone in moments of now flickering memories. If you have kids, the time that they were babies – just minutes.
Maybe you lost your first love? It doesn’t matter because this is what we do. We love. That’s what makes us human. Without it, we would experience no loss and no joy.
If you are sad, let the depth of your pain remind you of your capacity to love and feel joy. If you are angry, let your rage remind you of your willingness to trust.
If you feel lost, just remember that there was once a way back to you.
There are no rules, except for this one.
You will know when you are ready and it’s ok for you to NOT to be ready today. But don’t let yourself believe that you won’t get there, eventually.
But you won’t know it happened until you’ve already let it go.